Faking an orgasm
Faking an orgasm
…is easy.
And the first step on a short trail of shallow, sad, empty, pointless sex.
I have done it in the past- but I never shall, ever again.
But if you want to try anyway….
It’s much more about fooling yourself than about fooling your partner.
Remember when you were 8 and wanted a day off school, and so made yourself seem ill just by thinking about it hard enough?
Faking an orgasm is very much like that.
So…
Setting the scene
breathe fast
whimper a little
unfocus your eyes
slowly open and close them
smile in an empty, inward looking manner.
Building up
gasp
snap your eyes open
roll your eyes upwards into your head
let them drift closed again
let your breath out raggedly
smile
Almost there
be limp, helpless
let out a long slow quiet moan
Mumble words and half words… “yes….” “oh please…” “You’re…”
smile some more
Coming
snap your eyes open and say a word clearly “Yes!” “Now!” “Oh GODS!”
grab at your partner pull yourself toward your partner in such a way that your face is either pressed against them, or otherwise positioned out of their sight.
pant
gasp
moan
press your self against (and on- or into) them hard.
Convulse, if at all possible
And coming down
SMILE HUGELY and relax
let your grip on their hair or bum or whatever you’ve got hold of loosen and fall away
let your breathing slow, but continue being a little ragged
Let your eyes flutter open and SMILE sleepily
cuddle against your partner (again making sure your face is hidden)
Congratulations: You have just taken your first step toward a horrible, pointless sexual relationship, fraught with lies, resentment and bitterness; easy to begin, almost impossible to get back to a sharing and open and satisfying relationship. I think the whole faking an orgasm thing was solely invented to boost male egos. . . Fuck it I say! If the guy sucks, then just say it. YOU SUCK.
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for a guy you just need to make sure you’re doing it doggystyle and then GRUNT really hard as you pull out and spit a big lougie on her back.
i wonder if any of my exs faked it? i bet they did…those lying bastids.
I need a cigarette now, even though I don’t smoke, but I need to change my drawers b/c that was pretty damn good…
how was it for you?… “yeah baby, you were the best” … ” don’t worry, I will see you tonight!”
argh! pos (don’t use the arrows for brackets, it won’t show up)
it was supposed to read… (looks @ right hand) “yeah baby, you were the best” then (looks @ left hand) ” don’t worry, I will see you tonight!”
BOOYAH!
LOL. Nice. Congratulations!!
was it as good for you as it was for me?
YOU SUCK! HAHAHA…funny stuff….
Luckily, I can spot a fake a mile away. = )
I’ve faked it once after getting a smell of some rotten cheese.
For a point of reference, this was almost 7 years ago.
i disagree. a good fake requires rapid fire even contractions of the kegel muscles… it has to feel natural, like a pulsing of a heart, not like youre squeezing a lot of times. who cares what the face and hands are doing.
)
guys are so clueless about sex sometimes that i think a decent fake passes all in the name of the male ego boost.
(((BONER)))
hahahaha… good one~ guys are such dorks… =P