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http://indexed.blogspot.com/2008/05/danger-danger.html

5 rating from 1 votes

I guess lately my life’s been pretty boring.  The biggest highlight of May happened last night.  Yeah, I finally got laid!!!  Jay Kay.

I was having dinner at Wolfgang’s when there was a huge ruckus coming from the table behind me.  Like five waiters ran over and I turned to see this big, old man choking on his food.  Each of the waiters were taking turns trying to do the heimlich while the man’s female companions were screaming for someone to call 911.

It was pure pandemonium!!!!!

After like a minute or so, one of the other diners at the restaurant managed to free whatever it was that was choking the old man.  I think everyone at the restaurant sighed with relief cause that dude was starting to turn blue at one point.  And then everyone applauded like a bunch of theater-goers.  Gay.

The biggest disappointment of the whole event?

I was expecting to see a big piece of steak fly across the room, like that piece of shrimp in Mrs. Doubtfire, but all I saw was some drool.

5 rating from 2 votes

So I’m talking to Strayhands and he’s asking me if I want to hear some songs.  I say sure, expecting him to send me stuff like that “everybody’s hustle’in” song or some PVD shit.  Just like happy, upbeat shit to make the day go by faster.

Instead he sends me “Until I Find You Again” by Richard Marx and “Against All Odds” by Phil Collins.  Basically songs about guys with big problems and even bigger vaginas.

WTF?

If I was as emo as some other people I know, I’d be crawling under the blanket with the lights off, drinking a wine cooler and painting my fingernails with black nailpolish.

5 rating from 2 votes

I’m not much of a politically involved person but I couldn’t help notice HBO’s ad campaign for Recount, which is about the 2000 Presidential campaign.  See what I did there?

Anyhow, I guess seeing Kevin Spacey’s face 50 times a day makes even the politically oblivious person like me somewhat interested in taking a peek at the movie.  So I turned on the guide on my TV and saw that Recount was going to be on at 6 PM tonight on HBO2.  Cool!  Let me check it out. 

So I watched the movie and it’s pretty interesting, I guess.  Although I think their attempt at equally representing both sides is pretty weak and it’s obvious that the movie tends to favor the DemocRATS over the RepubliCANTS.

As the movie ends I pull up the guide again to see what’s next and I notice it’s The Patriot!

Hahaha.  I thought that was a pretty interesting movie choice to show right after Recount.

HBO2’s schedule was as follows -

6 PM - Recount

8 PM - The Patriot

11 PM - Reount (AGAIN!!)

Coincidence?  I think not.

5 rating from 2 votes

Just wanted to wish an early congratulations to Casperone and JY Jelly.  Casper actually sent me a link earlier today with some sample pics of their engagement/wedding/whatever the hell it’s called photos.

The ones I saw came out really nice and showed their true colors.  Like this pic here, for example.

That’s Casper on the left.  Timidly nibbling at his little hot dog like a shy (chubby) puppy.  And that’s JY Jelly on the right.  Going to town on that sausage like a well experience champ!  You go champ.  You go!

5 rating from 3 votes

http://www.onemorelevel.com/game/spin_the_black_circle

I just got past level 8.

5 rating from 1 votes

So I finished up some morning rush work today and I’m surfing a WoW website when my coworker that sits across from me gives me an urgent look.  I turn around and see one of the managers of the department walking towards me.  Why?  He never comes to this side of the office.

He’s got some papers in his hand and I’m thinking he’s going to come up to me and fire my ass or something.  My heart’s beating like 100 mph and my hands are getting clammy.  Well, clammier than normal.

Except he walks past me and over to the machine next to my desk.  He puts the papers on top and starts fumbling around with the buttons and I’m thinking umm.. WTF is this guy doing?

Then he turns to me and asks, “Does the paper have to be face up or face down when I fax it out?”

I looked at him with the straightest face I could make and said, “Umm it should be face down but that’s a printer… the fax machine is over there in that room”.

This is the printer on my desk.…..

0 rating from 0 votes

Since I had trouble sleeping last night, I was flipping through the channels and “Knocked Up” was on.  That’s one funny ass movie.  It’s nowhere near the caliber of 40 Year Old Virgin or Oldschool, but it’s still pretty funny.  Seth Rogan kills me.

The only scene I had a problem with in that movie was that part when she’s giving birth and they show the.. yeah, you know.  If you’ve seen the movie you know exactly what scene I’m talking about.  Unless you’re an OBGYN, in which case it was probably like an accountant seeing a calculator.

But for us regular people, how frikkin disturbing was that?  There’s nothing in that whole scene that even prepares you for what’s coming up… it’s just funny.. ha ha.. funny.. ha ha.. then BAM!!!!!  You’ve got yourself an image that will stay ingrained in your brain for the rest of your life.

For those of you that haven’t seen the movie imagine this.  Visualize pushing a grape through a button hole.

Done.

I can say at least one thing though.  At least she (or the fake plastic stand-in) wasn’t sporting an afro.

5 rating from 2 votes

So it’s like 4 am right now and I have to get up for work by 7:45.  Can’t fucking fall alseep.  Ugh.  Fun times!

5 rating from 2 votes

So nobody won the Mega Millions last night and now the jackpot for friday is at like $195MM or something like that.  Crazy stuff.

Whenever the lotto gets that high, me and Strayhands always talk about the things we’d do, stuff we’d buy, and all the hot girls we’d bang.  Cause we all know “girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money…”

Yesterday we were talking about the same thing and I told him about my “lotto test” for girls.  The test basically asks whether you’d go out with girl X even if you’d won the Mega Millions.

Strayhands thought it was dumb.  But that’s only cause he’s one of those “nice guys”.  He’d go out with a girl that dressed in cow pants and fit the part, if it meant not having to hurt her feelings by telling her no. 

I, on the other hand, being the superficial and selfish asshole that I am, think it’s an awesome test.  To want to just go out with one girl, when I could be happily humping hundreds of hot ho’s having huge hooters, would have to mean she’s a keeper.

Now, if my numbers would just hit so I can actually put this test to the…uh… test.

5 rating from 2 votes