We named the dog, Indiana
There was a time back in high school when I felt like the korean Indiana Jones. I wasn’t chased by a gang of Nazis and didn’t hang out with some short chinese kid with a Yankees cap, but I did come damn close to the Holy Grail for asian guys. White chick boobies.
It was during my Junior year when a friend of mine told me that this girl liked me. Her name was Nicole and she was white. And she had some of the nicest boobies I’ve ever seen.. even to this day. I had noticed her before and thought she was pretty cute but I didn’t think she even knew that I existed. Besides the fact that I wasn’t a cool white dude… I wasn’t even a cool asian dude. But she knew I existed. And she wanted me. Word. Word.
We talked for a few weeks and finally decided to hang out. She lived about 30 minutes away from me and I didn’t have a car, so she had to pick me up (hehe). Mistake #1. We didn’t have any specific plans so when she picked me up, she asked me what I wanted to do. “I dunno, what do you wanna do?” Mistake #2.
In that first date I must have done everything wrong. I mean everything. But for some reason she still hung out with me. I think maybe for about a month or so. The last date was probably the time she invited me over to her house for a barbeque.
She came and picked me up (hehe) and we drove back to her house. Her family is pretty well off so the house was pretty huge and there must have been at least 30-40 people there. 30-40 white people. I felt nervous.
We entered the house and she introduced me to a bunch of her friends and family friends. They all had a weird look on their face… then looked at her… then looked back at me… then gave me that fake “nice to meet you” smile. Meanwhile, I knew that in their heads they were all thinking “ummm… deliveries are in the back, Lee”.
I don’t really remember the minute details of what happened at that barbeque but I remember standing in the living room watching TV. I think it was a football game or something. For some reason, there were couches behind me but I was just standing in the middle of the room by myself. And there were people sitting on the couches behind me. Why was I standing? I don’t know.
And I remember just feeling really awkward and nervous thinking that someone was going to come up to me and try to start some conversation with me about politics or sweather vests so I looked down most of the time. I feared making eye contact.
I think we only stayed for about an hour or so and I remember on the way out, Nicole was talking to her parents for a little bit. The next day she broke up with me. She said that we were too different. No shit, sherlock. I’m this poor, quiet, innocent asian kid from the city and she was this rich, preppy, cute white chick from the suburbs.
I remember being pretty sad. I think I was sad for like a whole week or so. Not just because I really liked her but more because she was damn cute.
And I never even got to touch her boobies, Dr. Jones.
